As I handed the water bottles over to each of the Native Hawaiian artists, I saw one of them immediately turn to the older gentleman in the group and said, “Uncle, here is water.” Even though the gentleman was not truly her Uncle, it is used as a term of respect in Hawaiian culture. She had an immediate concern for his well-being and in ensuring that he was the first to have and drink water.
It was endearing to notice. Yet, it brought an immediate sense of inadequacy on my part. A sense of being empty of something that should have come more natural from me. I too should have been able to recognize and bestow the etiquette which our elders deserve. That moment had quite an impact on me and caused me to reflect on myself. There was even a slight internal feeling of shame. It is moments like this which have me kicking myself. In my mind, attending to, treating and acknowledging elders first, before others should come naturally. Yet, in this case, it did not.
It is not just Native Hawaiian culture that has etiquette towards elders, I have often observed many cultures who display etiquette towards elders in a way that is more prominent from how Americans treat elders. The etiquette in various cultures is often rooted in respect. Elders are seen as valuable members of society and are often elevated from among other members of society.
Respect towards elders is something that is not emphasized in America. We believe in respecting elders and giving some due diligence. It might be occasionally thought of or talked about in an almost wishful way but rarely is respect acted upon. Elders tend to be seen as not having much value towards society. That they are “old news”. If elders are viewed as not contributing to society then the perception of their value leads to a lack of respect.
Even regarding some who are first generation-born Americans, their parents or other elders who are from other countries outside of America comment on a change or lack of respect from the younger people who are brought up in American society. While, it does not mean that American society has less love or care for parents, grandparents, and elders than those of other cultures who show more etiquette, there is certainly something lost in the lack of etiquette.
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